Jokes & Misc

A retired gentleman, Chuck, went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for a driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. He says,I will have to go home and come back later. The woman says,Unbutton your shirt. So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says,That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, Chuck excitedly tells Debbie about his experience and she says, You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.

Women over 40 - some of you are there, for those that aren't this will give you something to look forward to. This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
- A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask,What are you thinking? She doesn't care what you think.
- A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you think about her or what she's doing.
-Women over 40 are dignified. The seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
-Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
-A woman over 40 has the self assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attractive to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
-Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
-A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
-Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
-Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.